I want to find an off-switch under my tongue

youre all hard edges and landscapes today,
you startle yourself in the reflective glass at choppy waters but the sea churns on,
just because you marvel at time does not mean time will pause to pose for a snapshot.

who am i to question the purpose and motive of ideals and paper-heart hopes?
all i know is that no matter who or when or what asks the questions, 
the answers aren’t really relevant because no matter what they are, 
one must continue living. 
nothing changes the conditions that the only way to go on is to stay up,
stay alive,
keep beating on. 

there is no more time for bends in my spine like rubber joints holding together great walls in chine or otherwise;
because i am going to run away, 
i am going to be brighter than the dim lightbulb illuminating your basement apartment and
i will blind you in the morning, 
caught in the midst of my day like afternoon suns hidden in autumn cumulus. 

it will be a glorious day that the final piece finally pieces together the gestalt of it all, 
where are my peaces and and what is the worth of my whole here,
from wide hips to wider wires stringing together all my words like garlands 
wrapped tight around a lengthy language of legs poised like a christmas tree,
lit up with ligaments veined in vanity because the skin glows with possibility.

But here and now the silence prevails because
around my neck is wrapped the weight of
you and me and everyone we know:
i have never known such a desire to run far far away from everything i recognize,
i just want to know no one. 
i just want to think alone.

because the circuit my breakers run on is rusted in the puddles of watering mouths,
wolves gnash their teeth waiting to tear into the tea party:
we are daughters of dress-up chests navigating naivete with feeling fingers and 
we are hunted for the delicate steps taken in our heightened heels. 
and i am no longer outfitted for the battles won here on the not so straight and narrow,
dirty games one cannot play with pink palms and nailbeds like love laboratories,

here today i have come to recognize that time is not on my side
you battle the banter because you are afraid to be infected with the monotony that seems to have eaten the joy out of
the hearts that hail your mouth the merciful.
you laugh to yourself tonight because there are animals in your brain in place of sounds, 
you’re crossing your wires for coping mechanisms rooted in,
memory blocks and verbal vomit 
but the secrets are beginning to outnumber your fingers 
and we can no longer keep it simple:

move on now and never look back
because here and now the silence prevails,
because around my neck is wrapped the weight of
you and me, 
me, and everyone i knew.

if strangers are danger, i want to haunt your nighmares.

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