Leave no room for confusion,
please do not misunderstand this as another pathetic cry out into silence;
but the truth remains and it is undeniable, what i had i lack, and it was cherished.
Please don’t misunderstand, it’s not you that I miss.
What I miss is how honest your smiles were then, what I miss is not being afraid of intimacy because all in all my honesty was your honesty, and the only truths we were divulging came with no anguish or regret or insecurity;
back then it was more about the proximity in which one could live, and I held you closer than many people will ever experience. What I can take away from those years in my life is the undeniable truth that I learned of love in private lessons, academic chemistries depicting every firing neuron and interacting compound in the process of me loving you and you loving me.
Passionate times for passionate kids: if anything can be said, it’s that of all the tools we lacked, heart wasn’t one. I loved wholeheartedly, gave everything, and learned how to reign myself in.
Because I am a roiling force of devoted hours and loyal thought processes, but here and now looking out on the wasteland my life is trying to fall towards, I know that everything that unfolded, it was a damn shame to sacrifice.
In the simplest words, I miss what I had, I miss it dearly. What’s worse is that this isn’t the kind of thing you relive. I’m not a strong believer in the idea that the kind of innocence and appreciation you experience the first time around can be reenacted, duplicated, felt genuinely twice around.
I guess it just drives me nuts that it felt so good and it’s so gone.