on shame

I lose all motivation to better myself,
because i have turned away from the bombs and sieges on the news.
i live in comparison, a contrast of my own experiences.

traipsing casually through the poverty and diligence of india
buys me a mere 18 months of gratitude, of real hard work,
of trying for myself in a way i have never ventured to before.

Left to my own devices,
wallowing in my excess and consumption,
again i am overwhelmed:

forgetting everything you learn because you are not faced with it daily,
giving up on your own potential because you are tired and you have pretty baubles to distract you, it is shameful.
humbling yourself with the circumstances of others, it is shameful.
losing touch with the blessings you live in because you are accustomed to them, it is shameful.
wanting to give up because i’m a little bored and a little tired when i’m lucky enough to know what’s actually out there, it is shameful.

i am ashamed, but i also know to try harder now.
i will not be one to give into myself because of the ease that my life envelopes me in.
i will not be someone given this much opportunity,
only to rest against it,
complain about its burden,
or use it as an excuse to stay out of touch.

i will not stay ashamed.

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