on finishing

I had completely forgotten, until I woke up, that today is my very last day of classes.

A year ago I thought this day would LITERALLY never arrive. I have had multiple breakdowns in the course of the past few years, sobbing into my mom’s lap that I will never ever be able to finish because it felt like literally anything that could work against me, WAS against me.

I know for some this may be not as big of a deal, that for some this is a mere stepping stone, but earning this bachelor’s degree has been the defining mark by which I rate how capable I am of growing up and getting it together, and I did it! I finally pulled all my random classes and procrastination into a degree that I am passionate about, and I am damn proud of myself.

I don’t regret the semesters I took off, because I needed them to grow, and they make this feel like more of a personal victory because I had the initiative to return to my education THREE SEPARATE FUCKING TIMES.

Honestly, I don’t regret the procrastination either. If I could start over again with the time management skills I have only honed in the past two years at State, I would probably fare better, or have smoother semesters, but in all of its rough and flustered glory, I prefer this feeling here, the feeling that as it finally ended, the tornado of terms and assignments I have been whirring in for the past two years just spit me out at the exit of this degree after having its intensely academic way with me. 

Today is my last day of classes, and save for about 5 assignments and two finals next week, I am done. That perfect little four letter word, done, finally fits me. I’ve finally earned done.

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